homesickness

Homesickness strikes at the strangest times this lasy weekend I went to a fancy dress scottidsh dance ball. I wore my long red and black dress that I've had for years and I felt the way I always feel in it - beautiful. And I was excited to be performing for my unis dem. I love the excitement of performing. I always forget how much I miss it until I'm performing again. And even though I'd turned my ankle and wasn't actually going to be able to do much dancing. I was thrilled. The evening was going to be lovily.

Then it hit me. All of a sudden in the pit of my stomach. Homesickness. Not for LA but for New York City. I wanted to be back at a ball I'd gone to 4 years ago. I wore the same dress and felt just as lovely.

It was a ball to raise money for a playwrights organziation and they had invited a lot of young playwrights to fill out the crowd. But that wasn't the best part. The dance floor was empty for most of the night. My boyfriend (at the time) and I had just enough to drink that it didn't really matter, but not more than would stop us from keeping our balance. And we danced. It felt like hours. Sweeping and twirling and turning across the empty dance floor. Until my shoe broke. It actually snapped. I got the Coat-Check person to tape it on to my foot with gaffers tape so it would stay on the rest of the night. If it wasn't for that shoe we could have danced even longer, all alone with the band playing just for us.

That's one of my favourite memories of New York. That night I felt like the whole world was right and nothing would ever be hard or go wrong. But life changes quickly. Not that I'm not happy now, I'm very happy. But sometimes you miss beautiful moments like that so much that they ache in the centre of your stomache and heart, which makes it hard to make more moments that are just as special.

Its hard to live in the present when the past pulls so strongly. But that's the fight of a life time.