On Endings; and the writing or not writing of them

I finding writing the endings of plays hard. Probably the hardest thing. And my last play was no exception.

When I returned to new york 2 years ago I set myself the goal of writing 1 new play a year. And if I wasn't actively working on the year's play I should work on revisions. The revision part was marginally successful. But this last play folks, it killed my goal. I wrote "end of play" on April 7th. That's 4 months late. Yikes.

And why was that? The ending. I couldn't get it right. Shit, its still not right. I need to do some serious buckling down next week and review my play. Its getting a reading later in the summer (details will follow, that's a threat) I sure as hell better work on it some more.

But to return to my point. Endings. So hard.

I'm a person who's naturally fully of questions. Just ask anyone who spends large amounts of time with me. I just keep asking questions. And I'll admit it, my questions are not always great. I ask just as many inane questions as the next guy. But the questions and their explorations make it easy to write beginnings. Ask a question and then start your play right after the asking happens, and then make it clear what the question is during the first 10 pages. Don't ask it again. Just make it clear.

Other than being full of questions and full of it, I'm full of 'tries' and 'give it a go's' and 'fuck ups'. And all those make it so easy to write the middle of the play. Cause the characters just keep trying to answer that question. And then keep missing the mark. I'm good at that. Missing the mark. It’s easy peasy. Cake on a tray.

But endings. I'm not very good. And I think maybe its because not many things in my life have ended. I'm young. I've quit a few things. I've completed a few things. Seen a few people die. But few things have ended in a climatic way. Few things have resolved dramatically. Maybe I need to infuse more drama in my life.

But truthfully I'd rather have a happy life than by able to write a good ending. both take practice. And like I said before, I'm young, it'll come. As Ernest Hemingway said "In order to write about life, first you must live it!"

and finally "a conclusion is simply the place where someone got tired of thinking" Arthur Block

Cherries

Life's just a half empty bowl of cherries.

Lot's of cherries still to eat, but lots already eaten. And some of them we're great and you can't have them back, but some of them were sour and some of them were moldy. But most of them were pretty sweet and that's what keeps you eating cherries.

The Royal Wedding - my 4 pence

Firstly, I would like to point out that I am not just an American obsessed with the Royal Wedding and the romanticism of "becoming a princess". No, I'm a Canadian citizen as well, and the Royal Wedding has read political meaning for me. Technically, the Queen is the head of the Canadian government, and while so so many American find that ever so peculiar, it's the way it is. She's also the Constitutional Monarch of 16 - count 'em - 16 sovereign realm (the United Kingdom, Canada, Australia, New Zealand, Jamaica, Barbados, the Bahamas, Grenada, Papua New Guinea, the Solomon Islands, Tuvalu, Saint Lucia, Saint Vincent and the Grenadines, Belize, Antigua and Barbuda, and Saint Kitts and Nevis).

And normally she doesn't really do anything in Canada. Cause Canada is awesome and we can rule our damn selves! But in 2009 the representative of the Queen did in fact shut down the Canadian government so they wouldn't have another election. It actually made sense. And from what I hear, the request was not actually from HRH Queen Elizabeth II. No it was from the Canadian officials who thought calls for another election would be disastrous. The Queen's representative just happened to be the best way to put all the riotious non-sense to a stop. And she did. And everyone cooled off. And then came back and did what the government is supposed to do. Which is not to have an absurd number of elections and instead carry out the business of the people

Ok, enough of that rant. Now, why is the Royal Wedding political?

Well, in my lifetime Queen Elizabeth will die (God save the Queen.) But let's face it, she's hold old? (hold on, got to google that.) She turned 85 last week. And her mother did live forever - despite the drinking - she was 102. The Queen will probably get very very old and in the process become the longest ruling monarch every in the history of recorded history. In the same vein, my grandmother lived until she was 97. Which is also very old. And I hopefully have inherited her genes and will live a long natural life. But my point is the odds of me living longer than are good.

And that does that mean? It means I'll see another monarch crowned. And I'm betting I'll see Prince William ascend the thrown. Which means Princess Catherine will be the Queen. Now she won't be queen in the same way HRH Queen Elizabeth II is queen, but she'll be more of a queen than Elizabeth's husband's title. Elizabeth's husband is in fact the Queen's Consort and not the King. It has to do with Royal hierarchies and gender and this blog is already too long.

Long story short, Princess Catherine will be sleeping with Prince William when he becomes King. And the person you're sleeping with always influences your decisions. Which could in turn affect the Canadian government. That's my point.

Also I enjoy looking at silly hats.

In related ideas. A friend of mine was discussing how outdated, superfluous and down right medieval the monarchy is. Even though they have no real political power. To which I said - and I feel like I have more right to say this sort of thing, because I'm American and Canadian, and I understand both perspectives in a very tangible way. While my ancestors were divided across ye olde royalist/loyalist line, I'm straddling it a bit. And I say that the monarchy is like a flag, except it's a face. And well, people like faces. Our brains like them (lots of studies, to which I can't find links at the moment). Faces are more relate-able than flags. It's easier to be a patriot to a person who is non-political, like the monarchy. But when you only have political faces (IE, the US president) not everyone gets behind them. And then the people are struggling to find something to represent their patriotism and they get super zealous about the flag. And they try to pass laws about the flag. The monarchy is a person. You don't need to pass respect laws for a person. They'll get treated like a person naturally.

None of this argument is to indicate that I'm against American independence. I'm very much for it. Very much.

Thank you for your time.

Easter

The two things you must have for Easter:
1) chocolate
2) flowers
Both were successfully fulfilled. And there were real buttermilk pancakes. On that note I'm taking suggestions for other recipes that contain buttermilk, because, well, now I have a lot of it.
Yes @kephen that is the silly anamatronic duck you got my for Christmas. Looks like you knew what I needed better than I did. And yes, that is a real, undyed egg tucked into the foilage.

The Easter Bunny did in fact visit the block. Proof below.

Screenplays

So I'm writing a screenplay. I know. I never thought I'd see the day. And I'm pretty sure there are other other people who are more surprised than I am. And then there are some people who are grateful that I'm finally venturing into an area of writing that could possibly offer a large paycheck. Although I'm convinced that a steady stream of royalties from plays is in the long run more lucrative that lump sum movie script sales. But that's just me being the turle, trying to win the race at my own pace. Well at least it's not the rat race and I'm not a race (for a key to this reference, google search Lily Tomlin rat race). Anyway, screenplays. So I bought the screenplay writing book. You know the one about saving the cat. And he says that pages 12 through 25 (I would amend this be pages 13-14, because specific things happen on 12 and 25). He says that pages 12-25 are "The Debate", where the Hero (or anti-hero) tries to decide whether or not to pursue the call to duty. In any case, the way he quickly writes about it sounds like the writer is supposed to vamp for 12 pages so that the end of act 1 happens on page 25. But that the contents of 12-25 don't really matter that much. I'd like to argue this. 13 pages is a lot of pages of screenplay. If the screenplay is only 110 pages long that's 12% of the screenplay. You can't waste that much time! The story will die. Now what do I propose these 13 pages contain? Well I think the hero needs to find the real reason to fight the fight. Not just the reason he should fight, but the reason he personally wants to fight for. Like in my case, the main character he should solve the case against his supervisor's instructions because the bad guys need to be brought down. Yeah, well what does that mean to him? Bubkis! That's right. It don't mean shit. But he should solve the case because this beautiful woman needs his help to find her daughter and the only way to find her is to bring down the evil do-ers. I think that sounds good. Much better than this so called expert. Anyway, that's my 4 cents (inflation you know)!

More Cocktreat Photos

I don't think I should say anything about these.

Cockpit on Retreat

No we're not running away from something. And in case you didn't know, Cockpit is the name of my writer's group.

For the weekend we've ditched our cozy little new york apartments and headed north and maybe a little west and holed up in a house on a lake with a fireplace. Last night the boys successfully started a nice blaze between the bricks with the aid of a "starter log".

However, this afternoon the girls started a cozy flame WITHOUT the use of a starter log. That's right. The girl's fire starting skills are far superior to that of the boys. We don't need no stinking starter logs. As you can see we're very proud of ourselves and very smug about it. Maybe now time for a nap.

So now it's Sunday night. 8:00pm. All the rest of the cockers are out picking up food. I didn't go because I've been sick and tired and wasn't up to going out. So I thought "Why don't I start a fire for when they come back." So I constructed the fire and then I lit a match and started it. And ya know what. It started on the first try, with 1 match and it's still going. I think it's almost time to put another log on now. Like a big log. But I'm proud of myself. And I feel like all my criticisms of my fellow cockers fire starting abilities are justified. So ha!

Pictures to follow, when I reconnect with the cord to download the photos from the camera.

Google Alerts

So like most completely narcissistic playwrights - or any other person who is self-curious - I have set up a google alert for my own name. Which has boasted my ego every time a little alert hits my inbox. When the travel writing I did finally went live in Russian and then in English. I jumped around my little apartment being very proud of my accomplishment. Even if it's rather small. Or sometimes it enrages me. Like when I discovered there is another person currently on the globe with my same name. He - a teen boy in the Cook Islands - seems to only recently have discovered the internet, since he only recently started popping up all over facebook and myspace (who still uses myspace?) and the like. Now normally I'd be OK with this - maybe, well, maybe not - but he seems to post the most inane message on facebook and curses and is just potentially ruining my web presence/image. Shame on his antics. I am doing a perfectly good job of it on my own. Thank you. But back to the point. Today I got a google alert about Stout. And not about me. About the beer type. From a paper in Cardiff, Wales, UK. Nowhere in the body of the email does my first name appear. But magically the word "callan" is meta-tagged. Weird. Not that I'm opposed to being associated with beer or alcohol or Wales. In fact I very much like Welsh beer. There's a particularly nice one that you can't get outside Wales called Brains. No seriously, it's called Brains. And Brains tastes good. I particularly like the bitter. Its almost like a cross between an IPA and a Stout. yum. here's the link.

Snowed Last Night

Three words to describe it:

It's so fluffy!

Adult House

If you remember a while back I posted pictures of my new apartment. Here's a new picture.

As you can see we have since painted the wall (yes it's textured), gotten a fancy rug, were given book shelves, put up a tree for the holidays and GOT A CAT!

Kitty's name is Olive. She's probably about 5 months now. Maybe. She's a stray so we're not sure how old she was when she came to us. BUT SHE IS SOOOOOO CUTE.

Anyway....

Our apartment looks so much more on purpose now, doesn't it?

Winter Wear

Winter has absolutely, undeniable come to New York City. And with it all the coats and coat accessories and coat check hazards. Despite all the coat wearing by the population of Manhattan and the outer boroughs people still don't seem to realize that the giant X carelessly stitched in on to their coattails to hold them together, is SUPPOSED TO BE REMOVED.

You heard me New York, grab your scissors, your exacto-knives, your flower clippers, your bread knife or your nail clippers and cut open your coat tails. You all look like morons from Southern California who've never worn a coat before. Just open up those puppies. I'm sure your coat will fit better.

Thank you

Religion and Belief

Does this mean that the more you know about religions the less you believe?

I think "Nothing in particular" is the pc way of saying "apathetic, but I know I'm supposed to believe in God I just can't believe based on what I've been told; and I'm just not smart enough to be Agonistic".

*data and chart image is from http://pewforum.org/Other-Beliefs-and-Practices/U-S-Religon-Knowledge-Survey.aspx

Two Decades Ago

Two decades ago I started kindergarten and met a number of girls who I am still friends with. Crazy to think I've had friendships that have already lasted 20 years. I'm so grateful for all their love, support and silliness over that time.

Here's to 20 more.

Itty Bitty Kitty goes to the Soccer Game

Education

Despite the fact that I know I'm so hopelessly and fruitlessly over educated I can't help but feel that I'm not well read or I'm not deeply knowledgeable or not a thought provoking conversationalist. I feel like there are vast galaxies of knowledge, filled with dust clouds of thoughts and meteors of arguments, that I've never even heard of.
Does a person ever feel well read the way they feel the cold? Do they feel deeply knowledgeable the way they feel their heart beat? Can an answer even be imaged by the most brilliant of think tanks?

a poem

a poem I wrote for a friend recently. that might be loosely based on events that might have happened to someone else. maybe.



YOUNG PEOPLE THINGS

i think it would be a super awesome concert. she's such a show woman
and i think i've been off my meds for a while
i left chiara's bday to go to atlantic city
and i got really high
really high
like so fucking high

in a ferriswheel
not really
about the ferriswheel

also the trip was totally unplanned
i went without a bra
no seriously
no bra

we also didn't sleep
like no sleep
and no bra

they gambled a lot
a lot
i thought it would be bad to gamble while high
and no bra
but the dealer kept staring at my nipples
cause it was cold
really cold
really really cold
so fucking cold

oooo a puppy

right.

my blog.

hi!

I promise I'll pay more attention to you. When my life gets less exciting again.

Funny isn't it how when you actually have stuff to write about you don't have time to write.

hmmmmmm.


I was reading an article about the gulf diaster - ya know, like everyone else on the planet earth who can read - and they mentioned a boat called "a whale". Yes, seriously. As in a small child is looking at boats passing and says to his mummy "look mummy, a whale". (this child has a british accent, if you were wondering) and his mummy looks up from her Harlequinn novel and says "no dear that's a boat" and she returns to her book. He insists, tugging at her lounging sweater, "no mummy, it's a whale, really it is". Without looking up from the lurid sex scene in her book she says, "no moron it's a boat, there's no blow hole." From that point on the poor little boy is both terribly confused about the difference between whales and boats, and will never point out anything he finds interesting to his mother every again. Much to her delight.

Mother's Day!

While neither my sister or I like to admit how similar we are, there are times when it stares us in the face and we can no longer deny it.

Yes, we sent our Mother the same card for Mother's Day. No, we did not plan it.

Why I Went MIA

In addition to a number of crazy things that have demanded my time and attention, including, but not limited to: buying a washer and dryer, struggling to get them to my apartment and then installed (please don't ask about this process it kills me, it's my Waterloo).

I got a promotion. Seriously, I'm going to be in charge of things. And people doing things. Who'd a thought you could be a restuarant manager without having any server experience. Not me that's for sure. But the boss likes me, so who am I to question those decisions when it entails a full time pay check, health insurance and a corp gym membership. sweet.

I am still writing other things too. My writer's group started up again, so I have a reason to kick my butt into gear and turn out some words. In addition to applying to every theater company attached writer's group in NYC. I can't tell if that's a good idea to apply all in the same year or a horrendeous idea. I think I'm banking on the fact that if I do get in anywhere there is no way I'd get in to a second one.

Well back to work.

If you have time today

A friend - Jesse - theater's company, the puppet-tastic Sinking Ship Productions, is entered into a small business competition to win $5,000 by getting people to vote on a short video. Their video is way better than everyone else's, and I'm not being biased. They have puppets. Other small businesses have, um. Webcams? HR departments?

Anyway!

You can watch their entry here: http://newdeal.verticalresponse.com/index.php?page=11&utm_source=tweet-this&utm_medium=Twitter&utm_campaign=story-promotion

BONUS: There is live action footage of Jess puppeteering a blue-footed boobie!

If you have time to register and vote for them, that would be AWESOME! They're getting beat by like Antique Tractors R Us right now, and that's just sad. Plus if they win they will use the money to put on a show about the guy who wrote the Looney Toons music. What are the other businesses going to do? Probably buy staplers or something. TO KILL PUPPIES WITH.

Please help support theatre. It will only take a minute of your time.